Real Housewives of Beverley Hills O.G., Lisa Vanderpump is regretting filming season 9 of the show.

Vanderpump recently lost her brother, and as the premiere episode kicked off on Monday, it was plain to see that she was in the early stages of grief and as visibly shaken.

“It was very difficult for me emotionally and where we started off in the episode, I was in a totally different space. It was very challenging and opening TomTom and doing Vanderpump Rules and everything, I wasn’t in a good space and that’s what reality is. It’s what’s going on in your life,” she told Hollywood Life.

During the season, we know that Vanderpump has a massive fallout with close pal, Kyle Richards. It seems as though she gets on the wrong side of several members of the cast and reportedly refused to film with them for much of the season.

HL asked her whether she regretted appearing on season 9, she responded in the affirmative:

“Well with hindsight, yes, but I managed to highlight so many of the things I was working on, so to me that was very important.”